The halls of Dis were dark. The black lamps

The halls of Dis were dark. The black lamps burnt dark blue darkening the gloom.

It was a dark place in a dark time. Dirk feared the princess wasn't dead, but he'd done what he was paid to do. The Dis castle guards loomed over Dirk, and he tripped, spilling

the now liquid princess of Dis onto the flagstones. "Oi, clean up that gunk!" said a castle guard. Dirk used his tunic to swab it up & wring it into the urn. Was she still alive?

Dirk asked himself other inane questions: "Am I all about that bass?" "Would the most interesting man in the world be as interesting if he didn't drink Dos Equis?" "Is life like a

folding story? You can fold once but you never know where you'll end up." "If I pluck an eyebrow will people still notice my nose is crooked?" "Toilet seat: Down or up?"

"Dead or alive?" "Paper or plastic?" "Are you living in that sedan or just going on a really long trip?" "As a frequent folder, are you keen on happy endings?"

Shuffling my notecards, I could tell this date was bombing quickly. I decided to use the last boomerang left in my arsenal. "Would you be opposed to naming our first kid Vladimir?"

I blinked. Did his eyes just turn red there for a moment? "I've always wanted a child named Vlad," he replied, leaning closer to me. "Marry me. Now." Mesmorized, I threw down my

chainmail teddy and he took me, body and soul. I have blank spots, but later we did go into the shower together. Why? After 451 years? But his spark still stirs in my loins.