So, it's January 3rd, 2013. Now what?

  • So, it's January 3rd, 2013. Now what?

  • What do you mean 'now what?', didn't you get the memo? It's THE day, you didn't even bring the beers did you? You were supposed to bring beer, and chips. Today is National

  • THE Day! You know--Totally Hedonistic Experiences Day! A national holiday, you idiot. Jeesh! We need that beer, chips and also some

  • fried fish wrapped in butchers paper. We would gather as a family at the botanical garden for a picnic. Our daughter Vile would run through the background of wedding photos just as

  • the bride was throwing the cat into the air for the crazed hopeful losers to catch. Vile would "flash" at these crucial moments, ruining -- or improving -- the tender memories of

  • her tender memories. The cat then landed on the bride's face, claws extended. The bride shrieked, "Gt it off of me!" and accidentally womped the priest in the face with her elbow

  • . The priest parried her elbow and deliver uppercut, left hook, uppercut and slam dunked her head into the font. The groom ninjaed the organist who was playing the Magnificat obliv

  • ion & roundhoused the Father of the Bride into the brides maids. Then priest & groom both vault the aisles like a steeple chase, bar the church door & hop on a bus & kiss eachother

  • passionately, stop past stop. After that night, they never saw each other again. The Priest remained within his order, forever a hypocrite. The Groom was not a groom anymore.

  • And the Bride? ...well...she was no princess, but she sure was good at waxing! So, she opened up a boutique in Chelsea; specialized in full-body wax. She called it The Bald Yeti.



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