Their giggling was maddening. He didn't know

Their giggling was maddening. He didn't know how much more he could take. Like irregular clockwork, their choked laughter disrupted the rhythm of his otherwise very well planned da

iry show.The heffer parade was splendid.The Milking contest went like clockwork. But what the kids thought was so funny about the artificial vagina used for collecting bullsperm he

too thought was funny. It was disgustingly funny. What he hadn't told them all was that he'd actually tried the artificial bovine sperm collector on his giant

pterodactyl Fergie, but hadn't acheived the effect he had wanted. Fergie, however, was quite smitten with his little invention, and would hump the thing ceaselessly for days,

Prince Andrew wrote a letter to Fergie informing her of his disgust at her recent behaviour in the media. The phone hacking scandal had exposed more than Fergie intended. Soon she

had 350,000 followers on Twitter and the photos she'd been posting of her drunken shenanigans were much more than the royal family could tolerate. "Fergie, we're locking you in the

largest medicine cabinet in the castle." Fergie could barely contain her joy. The idiots! It was like sending a -- a sausage -- enthusiast to -- a -- a sausage place! She pretended

she didn't want one, but...the sausages were so plump & juicy, so saucy& brown. Fergie snatched one out of the medicine cabinet and...ahhh...pure ecstasy. Better than drugs or sex.

It was a long process. She had to go cold-cut turkey. Many times they would find a Kielbasa under the floor boards. But after years in rehab, she became a self-righteous royal.