Well, of course not, thought tiny Hester.

Well, of course not, thought tiny Hester. Who would like green eggs and ham? And who is this Sam? He seems like a drug

shot through with adrenaline. As Sam jumped, something fell out of his pocket (pocket?). A card. A business card. "Sam I. Am, representative of the Hormel Ham Company Inc."

He briefly wondered about his initials. S. I. Am. A quick check in the store window confirmed it. He was indeed from Thailand.Yet how many Sams from Thailand dealt ham, or eggs?

He stopped a bag lady and asked her where Thailand was. The words that came out were Cambodian. Holy smokes, he thought. But his focus was changed when the woman responded in

French Pig Latin. "eJay uissay neuay ommepay eday erretay." He didn't know what it meant, but clearly the bag lady knew something he didn't and he was bound to

find some useful information online.After browsing several pages dedicated to French Pig Latin conspiracy theories, alien abductions, Nibiru & the new world order, he stumbled upon

the midgets. The midgets could be talked into anything. For a price. For the price of a big grab of Cheetos they reworked the entire barbed wire fence of farmer John

Dykeson's Militia Training Academy. John had the midget crew stuffing black powder into knee-high panty hose when the Feds showed up. You've never seen such chaos. Two midgets

used the pantyhose to shoot themselves from a cannon, flying over the surprised Federal agents. Fox News showed the film with the crawl "Tiny Terrorist Training." Beck cried.