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Just got out of the hospital. Only hurts

  • Just got out of the hospital. Only hurts when I laugh. Feeling fine. I am alive and well. You'll never believe what happened to me in there, though. When I was in the OR,

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  • I came out of anesthesia long enough to catch the conversation of the surgeon with his assistant. Apparently he'd magnetized his golf clubs in the MRI scanner so that

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  • he could get a better swing. I tried to signal that I was aware of the scalpel touching my skin, but I couldn't move. Then I noticed another presence, beside the doctor.

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  • The presence was sexless, but had kind glowing eyes which made me feel better about lying here on this gurney. The presence pointed at me & then at itself & then upward. I suddenly

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  • demanded a refund for my undelivered Amazon packages. The glowing eyes of the sexless presence grew perplexed, then enraged. "Why did you wait until the last second to order?!?"

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  • it yelled. "Do I have to do everything round here? And turkeys don't cook themselves so why are you still in bed at midday?" The sexless presence was well into its stride now. "Get

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  • down, get dowwwwwn!, get down get doooown!, Jungle boogie!" the sexless presence was crooning the Kool and the Gang classic. It startled us.

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  • The purple penguins were addressed by name only. No chance that they would accept any other way, three years later. It was the law, goddamnit! The social justice warriors were

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  • severely incapacitated by inbreed and heavy use of brick infused pillow fights. Any brains the social justice warriors had ever summoned, was being either banged or banged away.

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  • Sometimes I know just how they feel.

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10 Comments

  1. PurpleProf Aug 15 2016 @ 16:42

    I actually was in the hospital when I started this story. I remember worrying about what dumb things I would say and do right before and after anesthesia. I may very well have sung Kool & the Gang and saw purple penguins.

  2. Woab Aug 15 2016 @ 17:13

    Glad you pulled through, Prof!

  3. StoryFascist Aug 15 2016 @ 17:21

    That sounds terrific! I need to get my hands on some of that stuff.

  4. lucielucie Aug 15 2016 @ 20:05

    That shows real dedication to folding, PP. Above and beyond.

  5. PurpleProf Aug 15 2016 @ 21:24

    FoldingStory kept me laughing through my breast cancer ordeal. It (and all of you) were a big part of my healing. :)

  6. SlimWhitman Aug 16 2016 @ 03:30

    The best story on foldingstory.

  7. SlimWhitman Aug 16 2016 @ 03:32

    I meant your story, which this is too.

  8. StoryFascist Aug 16 2016 @ 03:49

    Hear hear

  9. lucielucie Aug 16 2016 @ 07:38

    ...and it ain't over yet, along with the 4,450 other unfinished stories on this site :)

  10. Woab Aug 16 2016 @ 10:35

    We're workin' on 'em!

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