Sometimes when i'm alone at home i

Sometimes when i'm alone at home i

think back to the time I swam the English Channel. It was a blustery day when i set out, and a crowd of six cousins saw me off from the beach at Dover. I was unprepared for

even one. They weren't my cousins, they were just random ass cousins pissing in the English Channel who thought it was funny as hell that I was about to swim across their toilet.

Then the body floated down. The middle one kept peeing, right on the floater's head. That was the body we were going to drag for I'm sure. I hit them with spotlight and said,"

Abandon all hope, ye who desecrate the the dead with ye vile filth." I'm not sure why I spoke like that, but it seemed to fit the mood of floating bodies. The middle one glanced at

. I headed straight into a bar. It was tungsten steel and had been mounted at eye level. "Whose stupid idea was that?" The dead man grabbed my pants leg. It throat rasped, "Tag..."

you're it!" I rolled my eyes. Zombies were a dime a dozen lately, especially since it was zombie awareness month. I didn't realize we were playing "Dead man, dead man, come alive"

I easily tagged him, but he cried, "Zombies aren't allowed to run that fast!" In hopes of avoiding further conflict, we stopped playing that game and pretended the floor was lava.

So then we started playing 'Hopscotch' in order to prevent the lava from getting to us. The ones who fell down were disqualified and had to stand upside down on the trampolines.