"Look, if you’re smart, you’ll get in

"Look, if you’re smart, you’ll get in touch with Wilkins. He’s the butler. You’ll learn a lot from him. He knows where all the bodies are buried."

Alas, my father had neglected to give me Wilkins business card so I improvised. I wheeled out the garden chipper and feed the bodies into it to create a lovely garden mulch

. No one would be the wiser...or so I thought. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when the daisies in my garden bore a startling resemblence to the people I had mulched.

I raged around my garden berating begonias and vowing vengeance on the variegated violas. I lay down on the lawn and observed how the ants plotted to feed me to their massive queen

40th Anniversary of the release of Bohemian Rhapsody party. Cannibals, these rockers. Narrowly did I escape from the minion ants of the recording industry, wielding a can of

trash, which my friend Rob had fallen into many moons ago at a boutique not unlike this one. Earbuds in tight, we rocked like a hurricane through an impoverished Caribbean

Prison. Then Rob found a pamphlet about how hurricanes worked on a quantum level. It involves particles of EVVVIL. Now I had to escape prison before Trashy Rob noticed me.

I did my best, but there were too many snakes all over the floor. They slithered and tripped me up. I fell straight into the arms of the only person I never wanted to see again.

Immediately I picked myself up and try to act like I hadn't just fallen, but then a snake started crawling up my leg, so I screamed. He's going to want to come with me now.