Looking back on lessons learned from past

Looking back on lessons learned from past transgressions and toward a brighter, better future, I do hereby solemnly proclaim to abide by the following resolutions in the new year:

1. I resolve to put all of my ill-gotten gains into a rucksack with a big dollar sign on the side. Thereby, when I feel the urge to spend my loot I will feel a slight pang of guilt

2.I resolve to carry no less than an unregistered Glock-17 to fend off all mofos that may attempt to relieve me of my rucksack of ill-gotten gains,hence, purifying the gene pool.3.

I resolve to bring that sweet, dear, square little mustache into vogue. 4.

I promise to keep all of my resolutions, no matter what. Unless of course if it's impossible. Or if I get bored, frustrated, and/or decide it's no longer worth the effort. 6.

I shall not be held liable for any debts incurred as a result of damages made during a toboggan race down the spiral staircase 7. I promise that all claims made against me shall be

settled within 2 weeks of the incident according to paragraph 2(b) of subsection VII. Would my lawyer be able to file the appeal successfully? Clause 5(g) had me worried because

we seemed to have bought a 100 year repairing lease on The Sphinx at Giza. I called my business partner, Ronnie. "How plastered were you? We have to rebuild its nose using Ancient

alien technology, and you can't even do that right!" "Dude, take a look at the model for the sphinx." He sent me a pic, and sure enough, the model for the statue had no nose.