Legend says the old map would lead whoever

Legend says the old map would lead whoever follows it to riches unknown. At least that's what the grinning man in the tourist shop had told me when he took my 500 bucks. Now I was

$500 poorer and standing over a hole in the ground where the treasure would have been had not someone already discovered it. I guess the old map was a hand-me-down, just like my

god damned sneakers. Those things were really starting to chafe so I took them off. I didn't need them any how since I would have to swim back. There was no climbing back up the

social ladder because I has swamp foot. Why did I take my sneakers off? Damn. My weakness to physical pain forced me reveal the Garfunkle-esque rotten stink of my sweaty toes

Th putrid wet sheep smell permeated the room and people looked around for the source. I moved off the sofa trying to shake their scent, but all watery eyes converged on my yellowed

my lover Dolly. "Oh don't be silly! It's a perfectly normal and healthy stage in a new marriage to have performance anxiety!" , they crowed gleefully. "Baaaa.", my darling responde

d, chewing cud. On my side of the marital bed, I was freaking. What if Dolly left me for a ram with unfeasibly large testicles! My anxiety drove me to call in a counsellor

who very fortunately specialized in paranoia complexes / abandonment / trust issues because another ram may have unfeasibly large testicles. It was disturbingly common. I bleated

until I was bloated, to no avail. In the end, despite my insecurities, I tool my rightful position in the starry sky. Yes, I am the great and powerful Aries. DO NOT mess with me.