I had heard just about enough! So I told

I had heard just about enough! So I told him, "I didn't order a 1-year supply of BLT's for 10 people, I ordered a 10 year supply of

DD7," because I lived on an abandoned destroyer in a Navy graveyard. It was covered in rust and lime stains. But the Merchant was a Quaker and he said, "

How the hell did you just do that?" And I said, "Do not take the Lord's name in vain." To which he replied, "I'm an atheist Quaker." Followed by silence as I worked that one out.

"Do what thou wilt will be the whole of the law, and eat your oatmeal." he replied to my confusion. I sealed his mouth with duct tape. "Try to be blasphemous now." I said. He took

he screamed that his anus had been impregnated. Still, anything to put down aging old 70s fop tops who had no business starting up plagiaristic cults. I took a tinkle on his vomit

, thus raising the beast from his netherworld slumber. "Time's up, narcissist!", it's booming voice shaking the scaffolding. "I've come for all of you dying popsters!"

The Empire State Building occupants were unimpressed. "Oh, go shove it up your backside, Godzilla! You are so 1945!" Dejected, the beast slunk off to find somebody to play with.

Being insulted as old fashioned by a chorus of building occupants was the last straw for Godzilla. He was gargling with Xylitol, visited anger management course, and

after 3 years of intense therapy can now be found delivering meals on wheels in Atlanta. Sometimes he nibbles on the odd octogenarian, but no one much minds.