I wish there was a way to get rid of this

I wish there was a way to get rid of this curse. The mark that burns in my blood marks me as a Son of Adam - one of the accursed.

A little bird told me that I could remove my curse by sacrificing 8 chickens to a God/Goddess chosen by Pythia. Frozen chickens were on special at Lidl so I bought 10 to be safe

. I should have known better.The Curse of the Little Bird struck again. I could hear the little bird laughing from overhead. I looked up. Big mistake. SPLAT! This just had to stop

. Now I had bird poop burning my retinas, and on top of that, I found myself suddenly craving fried chicken. I eyed the little bird; chickens are birds. Maybe I could make do with

eating the thing raw. Couldn't hurt, I reasoned, so I stuffed the live chicken into my bag and made a break for it, half-blinded by the lingering traces of avian excrement. I was

It's all I've got, honestly. I mean, I'm not pretty. I'm not smart. but I'm a damn good chicken stealer. Sure, it's illegal and chaotic, but it works.

I used to be a stage magician before my time in prison, so I know where and how to hide the birds. I'm a few sizes larger now, so chickens are no problem. Of course a tux won't do

Noticing that my "package" seemed to have become more prominent, the guards were suspicious. "Those aren't eggs, you know," I said, winking slyly, hoping my subterfuge would be

out of the lab before the cops came. That's the last time I attach a sex toy to a piece of lab equipment, or was it...