Traversing the haunted forest of family secrets

Traversing the haunted forest of family secrets is not only scary but it is the only way to be truly free.

Especially when they tell you those secrets, but then have to kill you. That can be a bummer. If you are dead, who will buy that bitch a Mother's Day Card? Maybe that will save m

e some money. Then again, if I'm dead, I'm also dead. So while I do save money that way, I'm also dead and can't use the damn money. What a conundrum! With that problem not

finding itself a solution I decided to let go of the greed and ego, and instead went on a spiritual journey. A journey so spiritual in fact, that my physical body didn't even reali

-ze my spirit departed my mortal coil. It flew about the Cockney stars, humming with pleasure as its ethereal phallus brushed against the nebulae

from the chilli cheese fries with out-of-date mayonnaise I ate before my cheerleading routine. My team spirit was black and smooth like liquid night as it came forth in a surge of

fast food delight. I could now cheerlead with confidence. I pulled on my pom poms, some Wellington boots and a stout pair of britches. Then came the helmet. Cheerleading could be

useful during Armageddon after all! But whose side was I on? Were there really any sides anymore? It didn't matter -- I was enjoying this new freedom, unshackled from

chains of yellow lines or meters. I could park anywhere! I could drive on the wrong side of the road! Who cares about red lights? I had FREEDOM! and then I ran out of gas....