One summer before the sun had reached its

One summer before the sun had reached its place in the center of the sky, a young frog named Wrinkle was waking on his lily pad. Wrinkle had one goal before the sun went down:

Wrinkle must learn how to swim.

If he doesn't learn to swim, he'll never be a proper tortoise," said Mama Tortoise to Daddy Tortoise one day when Wrinkle was away at school. "It concerns me that he can't even

tell the difference between his mother and his father." So Mr. and Mrs. Tortoise sent Wrinkle to Prof. Sperm Whale's Aquatic Reproduction Academy. On the first day of class,

Prof. Sperm Whale introduced them to whale sperm. "Hello class. Who can tell me what this is?" Other tortoises shyly hid in their shells, but little Wrinkle raised his hand "I can!

It's the reason the oceans are salty!" The rest of the class laughed uproariously, but Prof. Sperm Whale was not amused. "And where did you hear that, Wrinkle? Wikipedia?"

at the disgusting thing, carving it up into small chunks for the butcher to flog to unsuspecting customers down the road. But in doing so, the Prof lost his whole train of thought

and his purple hat deserted him. "Blast!" he exclaimed. Any tiny wind would expose his combover, and the butcher's cleaver blows to the rotting flesh was enough to

stop smashysmashy from folding. That, was a Guinness world record.