In the horror film Spork the main character

In the horror film Spork the main character is chained to a metal pipe. A voice tells the character that if he spoons or forks his leg off he will be set free

. Spork nodded obediantly, but as soon as he sensed he was alone, he just yanked himself free, saved the village & got the girl.The End. "That movie sucked," Barney said, "Mayberry

looked like Lil Wayne fell into the sewer, crawled back out from someone's toilet, bumped his head because the seat was down, and then fell onto the bathroom floor. She was ugly.

But she was rich. Many a man married her thinking he could deal with her ghastly features because all the cars and vacations and stuff was worth it. They were all wrong. I was one

of the lucky ones who divorced her rich ass and lived to tell the tale. But my "half" haul included her self-portraits. They floated, as if possessed. Her wretched visage haunted

me everywhere I went. Once she sat me down for four hours under the guise that she was painting my portrait only to show me yet another of her own. Her cruelty was only matched

by the sabers of a rabid sloth-tiger. The brush strokes on the faces of her portraits were so violent that they could only have been made by sissors. At least she was creating

through the storm shutters of her bunkered mind, startling resplendent pain flowers in the stricken alleyways of her flashes of the accident, none of which she hope showed as she

put on opaque tights and fur-lined boots. The pain flowers were manageable today so she opened the front door & started scraping the ice off the car windscreen to start a new day.