I walked into my new lawyer's office. The

I walked into my new lawyer's office. The death masks of two of his unsuccessful clients stared down at me from a shelf above his desk. I sat and waited for him to lift his head fr

om the blotter. "Oh, its you." He rapidly placed the flask in his desk. "I've been looking over your will and you are giving all your money to.. yourself?

"Well," said Ronnie (on the right). "as the world's oldest conjoined twins, we need to be thinking about our will." "Yes," chimed in Donnie (on the left). "It is a bit more complex

than usual. If Ronnie dies first, we want to make sure that I inherit his" Ronnie interrupted, "You mean if you die first, your lung is the one caked with tar". The conjoined twins

scowled in distaste. "We aren't going to die any time soon, that you can be certain of, you mangy mutt! If anything, you'e accursed bloodline will fall before ours will!"

God the Dog Pound was insufferable. The Catcher scooped up Fido on a lost dogtag beef. Now he had to listen to these mongrels lie about being pure bred. Fido wanted his phone call

He needed to get a hold of Fifi. That dame always knew what to do. Fido, couldn't bear the idea of spending the night in the Dog Pound. Fifi could use her connections to spring

recesses of my mind...voices screaming day and night...then a UFO hovered over Fido and Fifi, beaming them into a kennel inside the ship. The aliens were giant Siamese cats that

liked to talk down to dogs, then spray them with rum and beam them back to Earth. Nodoggy believed their story, until Fifi gave birth to a litter of kittens.