Fold this, scumbag!
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Fold this, scumbag!
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You talkin’ to ME? You better watch your mouth. Because I can find your IP address right now while you’re writing your folds, trace your location, come pay you a little visit with
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my grandma, and serve you up some cookies. And I will make sure they go down your throat. Or I will cut you. I will cut you, girl! Don't mess with me! Anyways, I have to go to the
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loo and drop some dookie, so I'll be right back. Hold that thought! Oh, could you hold my knife, please, while I zip down my pants? And my gun, too. Thanks. Ahhhhh! Relief!"
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I didn't have time for his British pottie humor. I was upset. I was upset because my mom put a bumper sticker on her car that said, "If you're rich than I'm single."
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This combined with the other bumper sticker which read "Eat the rich" resulted in the awkward Marriage proposal made to my mother on Rodeo Drive by
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the second-in-command of a traveling band of trust funded monkey wrenchers. They were on their way to the Rolls Royce dealership to buy a new campaignmobile and then
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blow the rest on banana and peanut butter sandwiches. But the grease-monkeys didn't know which way to slice the bananas to get them to stick in the sandwich without sliding out.
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The grease monkeys stood there arguing about it while the bananas regained their bearings and escaped. Yeah, the whole bunch. They went skidding out the door and down the street
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and straight into an open door of a green grocer. The bananas hid behind some plums. The grease monkeys finally stopped arguing to notice the bananas had left but then ran in
1
- Started
- 2011-10-03 23:35:53
- Finished
- 2012-11-19 19:27:40
5 Comments
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sundancer Nov 20 2012 @ 00:34
Okay, I admit it wasn't my best fold ever but really? Only 1 like? I think maybe my fold was a tiny bit better than the poor person who forgot they were the last line of the story. Why did we get the same amount of votes? :-(
SlimWhitman Nov 20 2012 @ 01:36
Aww Sundancer... Just got the completed story message. I've been waiting to give you a 'like' for that fold since I first saw it. Had me laughing in stitches. Maybe there's a "Thou shalt not Dookie" decree? You should check here: http://foldingstory.com/7auxc/#comments ;-)
Zetawilk Nov 20 2012 @ 03:06
I was inspired to write my fold after a month of eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches on and off, and I hadn't a clue how to slice the bananas. I didn't want to waste any of the banana and risk letting it rot because I feel that fruit goes bad far too quickly to be enjoyed at a leisurely pace, so I ended up with a lot of banana. It was good, though! I used to never like peanut butter because it always made me thirsty. It still does, but I love drinking ice water, so it's no biggie. I think I've been getting really into peanut butter these days, but I'm not certain why. I think it began when I had a Reece's peanut butter sundae at Friendly's a few years ago, and now I really enjoy peanut butter with ice cream. The problem is, I don't know how to melt peanut butter for ice cream unless you ruin a dish on the stove or risk breaking dishes in the microwave or something. It seems a lot of trouble to go to. But now they make ice creams with peanut butter already in them, and it's good to save such a treat for a special occasion, like the time we went to this farm in the pouring rain and watched a rainbow while we ate.
SlimWhitman Nov 20 2012 @ 03:09
Sounds great! P&B's and a rainbow. I think you set a record for longest comment there too. But some recollections deserve more the 180 characters. ;-)
sundancer Nov 20 2012 @ 03:56
Aww thanks Slim! :-D I did read that story in the link you sent. It was really funny!!! I added commandment number 2. One left!