I am a prodigy. That's what they call me

I am a prodigy. That's what they call me now. I am no longer Samantha Alberts. I have changed, crowned with power. I am

I pretend that their arrogance & condescension doesn't bother me. My sunny disposition cloaks my true feelings. It's true that I warble out "Have a nice day!" all of the time, but

in my irritable bowels, I suppress a cyclone of arrogance & condescension that would traumatize even the more tolerant people in the office. After today, the asshole ME takes over.

I really didn't like being the asshole. Unfortunately I was very good at being the asshole. People would be stupid on purpose, i think, just to see me be an asshole to them. For

all I know, this asshole-ish attitude might be in my DNA, inherited from my great-grandfather who, according to family lore, was touring the US as part of a freak circus in 1856.

"See the man with 6 buttholes!" cried the circus barker. Thus began my great-grandpa's illustrious career, first with a fertilizer company, then as a drug mule able to smuggle huge

quantities of contraband across national borders. But Great-great Grandad (I called him Poppers) didn't realize the true potential of his six rectums until he joined an ocarina

quintet. He could play all 5 ocarinas himself with 5 of his rectums & still had 1 rectum left to be the MC. Thing was, Poppers still had just 2 hands, which made fingering the oca

rinas challenging. In the end, it was his acclaimed musical based on Gone with the Wind that turned him into an inspirational figure for all polyrectums people of his generation.