After I ate the magic mushroom I rapidly

After I ate the magic mushroom I rapidly grew to twice my original size. A large turtle headed aggressively my way so I hopped on it, and sent the shell skidding away. I continued

to ride the turtle and realized it was a giant turd. The giant doorknob had taken a growler and I was floating on it. Disgusted I jumped off. I saw a floating cat anus and thought

someone has an anal fetish. Suddenly I heard a sucking sound and the calm waters turned into a churning maelstrom. I was pulled into the center of the whirling mass and downward

into the world's largest milkshake. I struggled through the creamy strawberry mass, but once I reached the surface I hear a buzzing sound – bees! I pull out my jet-ski and

unfold it. These new foldable jet-skis: incredibly handy, but in the most hideous colors imaginable. I groaned at the terrible mix of puce and chartreuse as I set it in the water.

feel a rather sharp splitting pain in my groin area. Fortunately, I quickly remembered that I am in fact an octopus, hence it

was uncertain where my groin area began or ended. Comforted by this fact, I quickly removed myself from the situation and began bottling my ink to leave on shores and confuse kids

into thinking they would make fine entrepreneurs by selling fresh delicious ink on the beach. I grabbed ALL of my legs, and made my way to the beach when I ran into

another octopus. He said.. actually you know what? I apologize for this terrible narrative, and do bid you goodbye.