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He wore dreds and multi-colored shirts. He

  • He wore dreds and multi-colored shirts. He looked carribean but was only from Southern California. He was almost famous as a bass player in a funk band, but that all fell apart

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  • like a single ply napkin used to mop up a spaghetti bolognese spill. He still jammed with some guys on the occasional weekend but his time was mostly taken up between his job as a

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  • Deputy Spaghetti Bolognese Spill Mopper and Italian-to-English Translator at the Art Institute. He pined for the young hipster chicks who constantly sauntered by hardly noticing

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  • his spaghetti mopping skills. "Love absolves no loved one from loving," he mentioned to the next hipster chick, 'so how about you & me get freaky after some spaghetti." "What kind

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  • of spaghetti?" she asked. "Is it from organic non-GMO sustainably raised fair trade whole wheat harvested by hand?" Wow, he thought, dating hipster chicks requires a lot of effort

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  • . He took her to her favorite eco-freindly restaurant. They ladled kale-quinoa risotto into his hands. "Plates?" "Water conservation," she replied.

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  • the menu was all vegetarian. They didn't want to harm any living thing. We ate our risotto out of our hands and talked about how cows have multiple stomachs. It went surprisingly

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  • well even though she vomited all over the table when a speck of meat appeared on her plate she eventually got over it and went home.

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  • Amnesia set in and she couldn't remember what floor she lived on. So once in the elevator, she pushed all the buttons and ate the floor. Many people fell down the shaft that day

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  • . It was unfortunate. She finally recalled that she didn't even live in that building anymore. She moved last week (or was it in 2003) to, um...Sesame Street.

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