I shrugged with every fiber of my being..

I shrugged with every fiber of my being.. Finally the big fat hairy smelly sweaty greasy carbuncle-covered weight was off my shoulders.

It had taken me weeks to get around to completing my tax forms, not because they were difficult but because everytime I thought of something else I'd rather be doing. My procrastin

g took the form of sharpening 27 pencils, indexing my receipts, sorting through the forms of the last ten years, cracking my knuckles, and playing FS. The IRS came knocking.

They burst in, red robes flapping. "Crickey!" I said, "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!" "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" jeered the IRS Cardinal. He picked up my

soft cushions from under their robes. I cringed as they poked and pushed me toward the brazen bull. "Don't. Stop. Please!" I begged. I bound to have some bruises after this. How

would I explain that to Tammy? They placed me on top of the bull. Nothing happened. The slapped it. Nothing. They shouted, stuck pins in it, nothing. It was the gentle bull Ferdina

Who rescued me that day. The truck would not have been able to speed by and leave my car intact if not for Ferdina the gentle bull. My pet bull was the best companion of all.

She appreciated that I called her Ferdina, ever since she decided to identify as a cow rather than a bull. But she was still large enough to stop a speeding truck and I loved her.

And with a thick, thick, thick Bovine accent she pointed out that although she could hit the brakes she was very bad at steering because the veil that he required her to wear.