It was a dark and stormy night, and the biggest

It was a dark and stormy night, and the biggest and fastest spaceship in the world was being overrun by chickens.

Poultree shoved her strangely pointy breasts in the general direction of Captain Kirk's nose. Sweat beaded his forehead but he would not succumb to her fowl advances. The bindings

on his pants felt real snug. Captain Kirk was chicken. He'd been feathering his nest by skimming the Enterprise's coffee budget. Poultree henpecked Kirk until he finally cracked

And said he had to buy coffee before Spock woke up. Whole Foods sent some Intelligentsia coffee, just what Dr. Spock like. Kirk paid cash on delivery. 3-1/2 years later, Starbucks

became a franchise on Vulcan. All the Spocks and Spockettes were the almost happiest Vulcans ever. Which is why Starbucks became illegal. It became part of the Romulan underground

economy, to the great dismay of the Romulan Restaurant Association and the High Council. "Senators, we cannot allow Starbucks to contaminate and degrade our proud culture," said

Xklk, the Romulan cheif editor of "Romulan Bites" gourmet magazine. So the Romulans decided to evaporate every Starbucks on Earth and in the heavens and insist on Romulan coffee.

Romulan coffee is very coursely ground & viscous, think crunchy peanutbutter.They don't use coffee beans though, they use the petrified droppings of the Akaana Boar. Xklk's gourmet

brew is not for the faint-hearted. One whiff will make you faint. That explains why it, along with Romulan ale, was banned in numerous places beyond the Cardassian border.