I liked to live my life according to a few

I liked to live my life according to a few simple tenets. Hakuna matata, always look on the bright side, etc. So upon contracting alien hand syndrome I thought it'd be great for

clapping the beat for Spanish Flamenco dancing. I flew to Madrid and immediately sort out a Flamenco competition. I would wow the crowds with my alien hand syndrome that created

hand-clapping in rhythmic patterns from the planet Gliese 581 g. The audience loved it & it was hard to get my alien hands to leave the stage. I wandered into a steamy Madrid night

with a boda bag full of cheap table wine. Stumbling amongst the cobblestones, nursing my wine, Madrid turned into a blur. The jagged streets and crooked shadows got me lost.

I told a local kid I was perdido, showed him my bag of tomatoes & asked ¿dónde was el autobús to La Tomatina festival?He pointed to his calzado, spit, and said busco for a taltuza

I nodded, and passed him the taltuza. He thanked me, and gave me the busco he'd promised me in return. Then he pointed down the road. "The Tomato Festival is that way." I smiled

& climbed on the giant turtle float heading for Churubusco. He took the gopher & departed. I was about to spectacularly blow the cover on another cryptid myth during the Tomato Fes

tival when the sirens began. It was almost immediate pandemonium! "Run! Take cover!" a woman cried, dropping her crateful of tomatoes & scurrying into the alley. The sky filled

onopoly is ours! barked the members of the elite. They digitally rape private information out of the working class and sell it to the highest bidder. But they smile, so it's ok.