He was the perfect man. Sitting across from

He was the perfect man. Sitting across from him on our 1st date, I admired his smile, the way his eyes twinkled in the candlelight, his laugh. Only 1 thing: Green slime was drippin

g from his exposed third nipple. Okay, he was perfect except two things: green slime was dripping from his exposed third nipple & he had large black bruises all over his vestigial

self. I learned that the secret slime word that activated his third nipple/slime faucet was "um", so I'd um until he'd take his slime-drenched shirt off. "So, um, deary, how was

slime shot out of his chest like a canon. It thwomped me in a goop-deluge and when I screamed some of the slime went in my mouth. That's when I got angry. You won't like me when

I'm angry becaue I get, you know, really shouty. I yelled cutting comments at him gloopily. I took my cheese & onion sandwich & rammed it into the nozzle of his chest slime cannon

The vacuum sounded like a leaf blower. The noise police arrived and arrested him. His sneezes were too loud. A muffler was installed. It cost 600 dollops and was paid for by Philip

Glass. His daughter-in-law, Jan Brady-Glass, was a nuclear engineer who just happened to sideline as a sound engineer for a Blue Clyde tribute band called The Barrier. She modified

her adjusted gross income to reflect the high bills she had paid to hotels across the country while The Barrier had toured. Jan Brady-Glass may have been a rocket scientist, but

circus. Mind you, she didn't actually JOIN the circus, she just sold her body to it. That made her a lot of money, but having lost her corporeal body, money became useless to her.