Did you know, if you collect the Topps bubblegum
Did you know, if you collect the Topps bubblegum packs of the Giants for their '79 season, the watermarks on the backs form a treasure map?6
That's certainly what Tomas Applebottom thought. He wasted most of his adult life purchasing Topps bubblegum and fitting the map together. When he finished at 80 years old, he was6
ready to begin his life's journey! Yes he, Tomas Applebottom, would use the map to discover the greatest treasure of the universe! "X" marked the spot...and it appeared that "X"6
But what stopped Tomas Applebottom from finding the treasure was Johnny Appleseed. This is where this horrid tale really begins.4
Marta Appletits was never backward about being forward with the local yokels. Tomas Applebottom & Johnny Appleseed were purée in her soft, rosy hands. But Luke Thistlenuts knew how4
w many 'Nuts, 'Seeds, and 'Bottoms she'd squeezed over the years. Luke Thistlenuts might've seemed like a seedy character, but Marta Appletits was tart to the core. He sidestepped4
her nut grope while surreptitiously fondling the fruity globes decorating her chest. Marta Appletits had met her match in Luke Thistlenuts. They squared off facing one another4
in a display of sexual dominance. Of course, neither Luke nor Marta suspected that I had not disappeared from the proceedings and was readying a sniper shot from a nearby tree.3
It was a small tree, dead and without leaves. In retrospect it was awful for a sniper but I took the shot anyway and my bullet made love to Marta's brain5
, splattering all over the park bench. Her children screamed and ran. They'll probably be haunted by this forever. It was tragic, but I only did as I was ordered to.3
- 2013-08-25 08:55:00
- 2015-08-18 00:44:11
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SlimWhitman Aug 18 2015 @ 07:04
Shucks, I was looking forward to a fair fight between Marta Appeltits and Luke Thistlenuts. Thanks Lucielucie, for some great character names!
PurpleProf Aug 18 2015 @ 19:36
Marta Appletits...classic, LL!
lucielucie Aug 19 2015 @ 14:48