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Ted Turner was finally broke. Sure, he had

  • Ted Turner was finally broke. Sure, he had a lot to say, but no one cared anymore. The awful truth was that he was the equivalent of

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  • that guy you know? The one who had that movie about the melting ice cubes in Africa or someplace. Something about globby yarning. I think he was a VIP or something like that.

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  • What was his name? Alf Gorb or something. Anyway, that piece about globby yarning was a bit too much, the movie 2012 at least was a bit more realistic and entertaining. And what

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  • Alf Gorb hated was pacifism (and pastures, passengers, pastiche, basically anything starting with “pas”) and knew he had to terrify, entertain or remunerate to get people's attenti

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  • plasty, which was a remold of the attention span that over-zealous mothers believed cured ADHD and OCD, such as Gorb's fixation with PAS words. He hated "password", for

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  • it allowed people to pass, and he in general sided with the Gandalfians on the subject of passing. And he refused to learn French, simply because "pas" was such as common word.

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  • He was not a passivist, of that he was certain, but decided he could do more good for Gandalf if he at least pretended to speak French. "Uh...Êtes-vous simplement de passage?" he

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  • waved his baguette in the air before marching off towards Mount Doom. Gandalf was concerned about being associated with a surrender monkey so opted to wait for

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  • the orcs to lop the surrender monkey's head off before the wizened old OP geezer snapped into action. Gandalf wanted to save that baguette if he could at any rate. No pig-orc would

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  • ever eat it. The OP geezer, surrender monkey, pig orcs and Gandalf came to an agreement. Unfortunately they wouldn't tell me what the agreeement was even tho' I asked nicely. Sorry

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