He washed ashore, sputtering and shivering

He washed ashore, sputtering and shivering in the cold. For as far as he could see, nothing was on the beach save some stray seaweed and the occasional crab. Suddenly he spotted

movement in the bushes. He was cautious to investigate in case there was danger. But his desire for human contact now outweighed his sensibility. He walked over to the edge of the

stone bridge and looked to where the noise had come from. The bushes were now quiet so perhaps it was nothing. He knew human contact would soon come and it would bring angry

blisters on the rim of his anus. So hot, so acidic. It always made him feel like someone was jamming a cheese grater into his backside. He was allergic to other humans, but he need

ed help with his cooking skills. He was sure that grating cheese shouldn't be that painful. He couldn't sit down for 2 days after making Welsh Rarebit. The doctor examined him. "Wh

at we have here" the doctor explained "wow, I can't believe I'm saying this, is a case of acute coronary Stromboli". I frowned. "That doesn't sound right doc" I said. "Well, you ha

ve some infected pepperoni here and what's this chunk of ham doing sticking out? Yes, definitely acute coronary Stromboli." the doctor said. "We must operate immediately." I wasn't

at all convinced that this couldn't be cured with a simple infusion of pineapple and anchovies, but I wasn't about to argue with the doctor when he had that scalpel in his sweaty

wife. She was quite the specimen; half human half oven, she would sterilize medical instruments and sweat when the process was complete. Anyways, this disease was pizza resistant,