I have a mansion, sports car, pool, cashmere

I have a mansion, sports car, pool, cashmere sweater, and gold watch. I am living the virtual dream. Outside of my social media game, I have a cardboard box and ramen.

In this virtual life my friends are Brangelina, Donald Trump, and Barbra Streisand. In real life they are the crackheads three boxes down the street, Sally Sweet Lips, and Mike the

Moocher and Vinny. I get up early & ride my old exercise bike. The generator is hooked up to my XO. I head over McD's to send my morning tweets to Brangy, Trump & co. My bum status

is obvious to everyone waiting in line for a Filet-o-Fish. I was so embarrassed I said, "Voldemort votes Republican!" The kids in line spun around and

knocked me to the ground. They looked so innocent; I had no idea they were off-duty punks. One of them pulled out a knife. An on-duty cop bolted out of the McDonalds. My prospects

looked good when the cop handed me his gun and told me that anything I wished to do to the two punks would be legal as long as they didn't get shot. So I aimed at a stoplight abov

e us as a light rain began to fall.The stoplight changed from green to red as I pointed the 357 at it. I let the gun fall. I could feel everything: the two punks, the cop, the soc

-k on my foot, the air blowing on my face, the minute pressure waves that carried the sound of a distant dog barking at the moon, a penny in my pocket, the subtle nuances of

a half my face went numb with Bell's Palsy. I now pose for photos with my left side only showing so it isn't all bad. My left was always my best side.