My name is Joe. I have three nipples. Sometimes
My name is Joe. I have three nipples. Sometimes I'm ashamed when I have to go to the public pool. Sometimes I enjoy the attention. But what I like most of all is the4
feeling I get when shaving. I shave my chest every wednesday, and that extra bump is a bit of a challenge. Anyway, it helps me be more aerodynamic when I5
glide to work. It is hard to get the ribbed mylar wings on the elevator and take it to the twelfth floor. On occasion I have been nearly blindsided by a stray pigeon.3
But the risk of sudden-avian-collision-death is worth the look on my office manager's face as I glide by outside the window. My ribbed mylar wings allow me to soar like a4
bat. Not like those dickbag college-kiddie crackers with those 5-billion-dollar momonga suits. I worked hard on my bird-wing costume to flaunt the success of my labors at my boss.3
I performed my strut dance, cawing and beating my plumage. My boss viewed my display with bored contempt, but his mistress, Lydia Paradise started to do the Funky Chicken3
Lydia Paradise was a free range Funky Chicken, if you know what I mean. I couldn't compete, having been cooped up all my life. My boss cock-a-doodle-dooed at her henuesque2
figure. I squawked miserably & squeezed out an egg while the Cock in Chief & Lydia preened their feathers. I snapped. Squishing through the bars of the cage I ran for it, straight2
into the claws of Felix, an obese feline. The last thing I saw was the look of shock on Felix's face at having actually caught something. At least my death was charitable.4
Had my life been anything better, my death would have been misery. Thanks be to God!4
- 2011-08-15 17:09:52
- 2013-07-11 01:19:09
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SlimWhitman Jul 11 2013 @ 03:47
Great lines in this... "But the risk of sudden-avian-collision-death" "Lydia Paradise was a free range Funky Chicken, if you know what I mean." " I squawked miserably & squeezed out an egg" And all of the last two lines had me LOLing. Welcome IsobelW and BerryFine! Great to have you here.
PurpleProf Jul 11 2013 @ 06:56
Ditto! Always great to have new good writers in the mix!
PurpleProf Jul 11 2013 @ 07:33
I also liked Chaz' image of struggling to get on an elevator with Mylar wings.
SlimWhitman Jul 11 2013 @ 09:06
Didn't mean to imply the unquoted material was any less funny. I just didn't want to quote the whole story again! ;-)
PurpleProf Jul 11 2013 @ 10:33
Lydia Paradise...awesome stripper name!