This story I am about to tell you is not

This story I am about to tell you is not funny, so don't laugh when you read it. No matter how bizarre or unrealistic the details may seem, I assure you it is absolutely true.

It was the summer I turned thirteen. My bat mitzvah was rapidly approaching, and my mother was still threatening to hire a klezmer band for the entertainment. I wanted Radiohead,

but my mother claimed they were antisemitist. I told my mother about the upcoming Jewish Mother Guilt Competition and she was keen to enter. It had been a tough training regime

because I wore shmaltz ankle weights and tossed around a Matzo medicine ball. I wanted to take it all, I wanted to be number one in the World's Strongest Jewish Person contest

, current incumbent - Roseanne Barr. I got up to 17 push ups per day & my mum was really impressed by my biceps. The day of The World's Strongest Jewish Person Contest dawned with

The inception of reality tv. The Reality Channel was on every mainstream network. One programme was about bizarre phone calls. One Texan called about a cow crossing Highway 39.

"Vending Machine Perspective" was another popular show. People of those days had tired of drama and wanted reality programming instead. They would watch The Reality Channel as th

so was Refrigerator: When the Light Goes Out, a police procedural set inside a Maximum Capacity Dick Wolf brand Refrigerator in Mobile Alabama. However, As The Paint Dries flopped.

Circumspection on the differing outcomes led to the realization that we all fear the dark, the potentially decomposed, we all wonder about the motives of the mystery casserole.