"Excuse me Sir, may I take your coat? No.

"Excuse me Sir, may I take your coat? No. Miss Penelope sends her apologies she be not well. I'd glad t' see you have recovered from a bout o' scurvy. Are you expectin' any other

guests this evening, sir? Well yes. Miss Petunia has accepted an offer for tea if you must know. Oh I see sir, and shall I serve the crumpets then? Well, are you sure the scurvy is

at bay? My butler's upper lip twitched at my pun. He wasn't supposed to laugh but I knew I amused him from time to time. Having Miss Petunia for tea would be lovely, despite her

petulance when my 'tea' service was not to her liking. I asked my butler to serve tuna melts with Limburger cheese & warm beer. His upper lip twitched in disgust. When Miss Petunia

kicked over the occasional table and ripped the hand-embroidered table cloth to shreds, I knew I had transgressed unspoken social norms. Miss Petunia's butler stuffed me through th

e dumbwaiter door and down to the basement. Others were there sitting primly, chained to chairs, sipping tea. Miss Petunia's butler had sent me to the Horror Chamber of Manners

Darkly. The Horror Chambers of Manners Darkly was evil. Filled with hate, satanic loathing and politeness it filled me with the most lethal dread. Miss Petunia smiled like a saw.

Her teeth were as sharp as those of her pet tiger, kept in a cage. Tony The Tiger was GRREAT at using his hunting skills to help his human achieve her goal of world war. Blinders

could not conceal those mighty chompers, no matter how much Tony the Tiger tried to stretch them. The woman's pearly whites gleamed in the moonlight, and Tony knew that