38

He was a serial pet killer. Ever since his

  • He was a serial pet killer. Ever since his family dog lifted its leg and peed into his infant eyes, he'd vowed revenge. He'd go over to people's houses and mysteriously pets would

    1
  • cower and piss on themselves trying to get away from the mysterious serial pet killer. Once, on a visit to a neighbor's house, he actually pointed at the little dachshund and said

    4
  • "who's got rolls?" "this one might be a tasty tidbit, but I have to have ketchup". We balked, backed up cause we were appalled at how

    3
  • many verbs we'd got into the start of this sentence so we heaved, stiffled, and then spilled rolls, sausage and relish all over in interior of Tigers new convertible.

    5
  • Which, of course, Tony did NOT think was "grrrrreeeaaat" in any sense of the word other than a great disaster. His fancy upholstery ruined, the spokestiger and his girlfriends did

    4
  • -geridooed the "Upholstery Blues". It was the lead single on Tony's debut album, "White Tiger Problems". Other tracks included "Too Many Guest Dens," "No Stripes Left to Earn," &

    4
  • "I Was Inbred to Be White." The hit single created awareness for the cruelty of tiger breeding practices and the exploitation of the poor cross-eyed cats. The song raised over five

    4
  • thousand dollars for the World Wildlife Fund. Unfortunately, most of the funds came from rednecks who thought it was the Wrestling Federation and that the song was about them.

    5
  • So, to mitigate damaging law suits, they decided to become the Wrestling Federation. Soon, pandas where sparring with dolphin-safe tuna - but of course, the cage was never used.

    5
  • The remaining members of the original WWF later found work at a Pasadina roller disco, except for The Rock, who couldn't rollerskate.

    3

1 Comments

  1. sundancer May 11 2012 @ 18:23

    I really liked this one. :-) LOL to Chaz's line after mine.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!