He was a serial pet killer. Ever since his

He was a serial pet killer. Ever since his family dog lifted its leg and peed into his infant eyes, he'd vowed revenge. He'd go over to people's houses and mysteriously pets would

cower and piss on themselves trying to get away from the mysterious serial pet killer. Once, on a visit to a neighbor's house, he actually pointed at the little dachshund and said

"who's got rolls?" "this one might be a tasty tidbit, but I have to have ketchup". We balked, backed up cause we were appalled at how

many verbs we'd got into the start of this sentence so we heaved, stiffled, and then spilled rolls, sausage and relish all over in interior of Tigers new convertible.

-geridooed the "Upholstery Blues". It was the lead single on Tony's debut album, "White Tiger Problems". Other tracks included "Too Many Guest Dens," "No Stripes Left to Earn," &

"I Was Inbred to Be White." The hit single created awareness for the cruelty of tiger breeding practices and the exploitation of the poor cross-eyed cats. The song raised over five

thousand dollars for the World Wildlife Fund. Unfortunately, most of the funds came from rednecks who thought it was the Wrestling Federation and that the song was about them.

So, to mitigate damaging law suits, they decided to become the Wrestling Federation. Soon, pandas where sparring with dolphin-safe tuna - but of course, the cage was never used.

The remaining members of the original WWF later found work at a Pasadina roller disco, except for The Rock, who couldn't rollerskate.