He was a gangly guy, a nipple-ripper alright,

He was a gangly guy, a nipple-ripper alright, with an eye for the ladies and a taste for whiskey. Boasting a purple velvet vest, he zig-zagged into the room, smelling of ambergris.

A whale swallowed him in the 1850s, which explains his odor and fashion. He criss-crossed his heart, saying, "Priesthood or ladies, give me a sign." The modern landlubber bar scene

was so monochromatic ever since dj's started using CD's and stuff. The half whale-digested sea Zombie ripped the DJ's head off, the crowd shrieked and then the Monster got behind

The microphone and sang "Monster Mash" as everyone celebrated Halloween. October 2016 was a creepy time in itself. Zombie Soda was sold as a prank but it tasted dreadfully similar

to homebrewed Monster Mash, a bathtub moonshine which only once in a while caused blindness. It was quite popular that October 2016 with a certain crowd south of 99th & Euclid. Sub

-marines dove into the giant bathtubs full of moonshine and re-surfaced only to find that their periscopes were blinded. The sailors aboard heaved over the sides, only to dive

into drunken blackouts. As bootleg whiskey splashed into their leaky sub, life preservers were hurled out to rescue their brave naval officers from this bathtub of instant regret.

Harvey, the stow-a-way Hobo selflessly caught the stream of bootleg whiskey seeping into the sub in his mouth. The other sailors were too caught up in admiration to stop him lighti

ng his dog end with the grizzly stubble of his arsehole. He leapt forward and planted a kiss on the sea captains smackers. The captain giggled and blushed, slightly drunk from the