Hush little baby, don't say a word. Momma's

Hush little baby, don't say a word. Momma's gonna kill you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don't scream, Momma's gonna haunt you in your dreams.

That's what the guy who escaped from the mental word kept singing to me. It was really starting to get on my nerves, not to mention the way he wore his straitjacket so it would

ride up his back, exposing his hairy buttocks each time he jumped and kicked his legs in the air. This madman was, for want of a better word, mad. I decided there and then that

Stenchyplop Bumbum. But thats not very practical for a stripper name. I need something that resonates with my fellow cross dressers..Something that attests 2 my love of beastiality

weaving. I have the best tapestry showing a woman with a dog. Just as I was about to come up with my stripper name, a dancer turned to me and said, "I was hired by your husband to

teach you how to perform a lapdance. Apparently you need lessons. What's you name, sugar?" "Uh...Candyass," I improvised, wondering how I, weighing in at 272 lbs. would be able to

learn metric conversions. At first, I was oppossed to changing from the old system as it was all I knew but as I learned how much kilos or grams weigh I found so many advantages in

reprogramming the Mars Climate Orbiter in metric units - so much easier! When it crashed I hid under my desk for a week until I was coaxed out by Bill Clinton holding a ham sandwic

h. Bill wore nothing but some Birkenstocks, one of those hats with the two cans of beer on top & a huge smile. He was just so ... approachable. We shared a cigar & laughed it off.