As I laid in the acupuncturists table waiting

As I laid in the acupuncturists table waiting for the elderly chinese man to stick needles in my tummy for my severe constipation problem, I thought about all the times that I had

squeezed into that tiny swim suit and covered myself with butter before joining everyone at the beach. Who was I kidding? I was not petite, I was not slender or trim but a flabby

pancake, struggling to be accepted by the other breakfast foods at the beach. Mostly, though, I wanted Flapjack to notice me, but Crepe Suzette was distracting him by rubbing syrup

and butter on his brauny buckwheat back. Flapjack was tanning on a griddle pad. And that rummy fluzzy Crepe Suzette fauning all over him. How could I, a mere buttermilk pancake get

under that Flapjack. He was just so flat, so round, so fluffy. Irresistible. Maybe if I let those Belgians over there have a taste of my blueberries, Flapjack would get jealous and

and a Denny's Bilbo berry smoothie to sate. Mmm, gimme some o' that Shire sausage, my precious. Aww yes, this is so much better than IHOP's truffula chip pancakes. How unexpected!

Gollum suddenly focused on the toddler in the high chair at the table next to us and began drooling. When the kid dropped a spoon, Gollum jumped from his Denny's booster chair

directly into the rotating blades of the ceiling fan. His legs, stronger than he had realized, had propelled him to a grizzly, but rather amusing, demise. I finished my crepes and

stood, cracking my head loudly against the swinging overhead lamp. I still had to pay for my dinner at IHOP, however. I was getting the hang of this Vegan thing!