The television's bright light was shining

The television's bright light was shining in the murky room. "Our former president George H. W. Bush died today dew to an unknown illness. A huge funeral wil-"

Fox News continued to ignore what everyone already knew: That deceased president Bush Sr. died of a chimpanzee attack when Bush Jr. saw something shiny on him. His son went berserk

and attacked the president. But unfortunately, a chimpanzee attack is

akin to attending a toddlers birthday party. You can expect to be irritated and exhausted by the end of it, but very seldom are they deadly. No, this president would have to be ass

conscious as these babies asses where among the rankest one would ever wish to encounter. The secret service got him a gas mask promptly and he proceeded to wade through the asses

but was unable to find the baby ass he was looking for. "The bare-assed baby assassin has to be here somewhere," reasoned Obama, studying a particularly puckered baby butt.

But Obama's hunt for the bare-assed baby assassin was hindered by Joe Biden (once again). Biden had been drunk twice today already and was sunburned due to beer-pong incident.

Ethiopian undertakers). Oh no! Diplomatic incident! The ghost of Haile Selassie haunted Obama until he sacrificed several quail coptically. The bare-assed babt assassin, meanwhile,

discovers a letter indicating his target was his long lost childhood friend. Obama had a strange desire to eat quail for dinner every night for a month.