If the noise outside my brain is equal to

If the noise outside my brain is equal to the noise inside, a strange sort of silence occurs as the sound waves cancel each other out. So with my head phones on I listen to NADA!

decided the I would start wearing "Depends" so that I could pee whenever I felt like it in public. I took to picking particularly taboo locations like the Opera or

the waiting area at the local Chili's. I'd strike up a conversation with the hostess and then urinate copiously into my adult undergarments. It got so that I really couldn't pee un

deux, trois. I'd suddenly started speaking French, this had to be connected. Excusez moi I unexpectedly said to the hostess. What had happened? I spoke again

but she slapped me full across my double chin for reverting back to English. "Sacrebleu!" I blurted out. Suddenly she grinned, grabbed my ears, yanked me forward and kissed me full

full on the nose. I thought french kissing involved the tongue, but she was from the border of Belgium. "Palm Frites, Silvouplay" I tried to remember more of my 7th grade class.

Unfortunately, the only thing that came to mind was "au revoir." She began to walk away, disappointed and confused. "No! No! Bonjour! Please come back!" My hands were sweaty and I

tried to attract her back with hand signals, but my hands kept slipping off each other. I knew by now I'd lost her forever, and she'd vanish into the crowds of Paris where the

mimes would win her over with their vastly superior hand signals. Curse you, Marcel Marceau!