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Chet Varga always tried to be a responsible

  • Chet Varga always tried to be a responsible and buxom member of society. But when at age 58 he suddenly found himself under high-security lockdown for texting while walking, Chet

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  • took to writing on his cell's walls. After 5 years, he'd written a novel about a one-armed Colonel who falls in love with his son's wife. The prison guards were so mesmerized

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  • by the masterpiece that they began to pay little attention to the other prisoners and only guard his cell. When the prison riot happen every prisoner escaped except for the writer.

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  • The writer, the only inmate, had 300 guards on shifts outside his cell. He communicated with them as usual, by haiku. My cell is guarded/By too many of you lot/You are all nutters

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  • At this, a particularly savvy guard responded with his own haiku: Nutters we may be/ But you are surrounded so/ Good luck escaping ...The writer who'd been expecting this, said

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  • : Look behind you now/Pompous ass you sure are/Good-bye, savvy guard. And with that, the haiku battle was won by the writer, who did indeed escape. Haiku saved his life once again.

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  • He began using haiku everywhere.When he got cut off in traffic he yelled out the window, "You're an idiot/I'll follow you, watch you park/And will slash your tires." He felt so zen

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  • and told everyone so. "You can't be truly zen if you brag about how zen you are," Guru Jake said. "That's just not zen, man." "I think you stink Jake/I won't listen to your words/

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  • I am the most zen person you'll ever meet. You might call yourself a "Guru", Jake, but you have no idea, what it means to live like I do. What it means to get up every day and

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  • plant tomatoes, cucumbers, and EVEN MORE to support my family. I've had enough of this. And I'm happy I finally get to end you,"

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