10. "At-one-ment"

10. "At-one-ment"

Pronunciation: /əˈtəʊnm(ə)nt/

Do I have to spell it out for you? Where threw! I mean, Wear throw! I meant Wee R Thorough! Dammit! What I'm trying to say. (Oh, she left.)

You know that song "Breaking Up is Hard to Do"? Yeah, well, that's me. I embarrass myself like this every time I want to end a relationship. So I decided to take lessons.

Neil Sedaka's course was only $89.95 down at the local Elk's Lodge. Everything from sneaking out after a one night stand to prepping for disputed divorce proceedings was covered.

Morning After Pill-pushing was lesson 1. Neil Sedaka also taught how to send subliminal messages so your date won't order the priciest dessert. You laugh, but large DQ Blizzards

can melt a McD's pocketbook quicker than you can say product placement. When it was time to change the tires, Neil's "Breaking up is hard to do" made it easy. Until Carol.

started going on about being on the Paleo diet. Carol wore brown pants, had red hair and had been at this job longer than me, so that made her my boss. That's why I put all this

because she knows I am Lord and Master of Everything. Damn, it's good to be the king.