"Dear Molly, On sight thereof permit the

"Dear Molly, On sight thereof permit the Bearer to immediately enter a pair of sheets with you and let him have ingress, egress and

largesse pertaining to carnal knowledge of your person. Bearer guarantees a satisfactory transaction, as his between-the-sheets responsibilities include, but are not limited to

"dutch ovens," being spanked while wearing a monkey suit, and doing his/her best Bill Cosby impersonation. Any breach in contract and/or failure to convincingly portray Mr. Cosby

will result in immediate dismissal from employment. Is that clear? Now sign on the dotted line... I didn't know if I should sign such a contract without first consulting my lawyer,

Bob Loblaw. Bob had gotten me out of more than a few tight spots, though he did run off at the mouth. I grabbed the contract, held up a finger to my prospective employer and called

over Bob's head, "I'll have the turkey on whole wheat, no mayo, extra tomato - and 3 glasses of water, please." Bob twitched, but did not look up until the menus were collected.

Bob twitched again. Maybe it was a 6th sense of some kind that prompted Bob to then look up questioningly. WHOOMP! The menus came crashing down & the Mother of All Waitresses stood

before Bob as a Collosus! "Whaddya want!" bawled the Mother of All Waitresses. "Ummm.." "I'm WAITING" "I'll have what you want me to have," gibbered Bob, sweating bricks. She snatc

he'd Bob's wallet and took out a down payment before heading to the kitchen to deliver someone else's meal. Bob looked under his seat and found a bar of gold taped to the base

of some spent chewing gum. Bob was disgusted more with the fact the diner only catered to two patrons there who were giving each other the horny eye. Bob decided to steal the gum.