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Looking back, it occurred to me that man-slapping

  • Looking back, it occurred to me that man-slapping was not considered the proper response to Steve's comment. Alas,

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  • I had a form of anxiety that expressed in dope-slapping the forehead, and every time he said that, Steve deserved

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  • a strong backhand. Years of youth tennis had perfected my technique. Before I began taking drugs for my anxiety slaps,

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  • I couldn't be trusted around small children or pets. I often wore a straightjacket to stifle the urge. From time to time

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  • I would forget, but I told myself, 'one time won't hurt'. And I was right: it didn't hurt. Me. It would be for those damned gerbils though. he HATED gerbils above all else. They

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  • got into your underwear drawer and pooped in your socks. Those annoying squeaks in the middle of the night. I had had enough. I let the cat in before taking a shower and

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  • let her roam freely around the house (even though she was an outdoor cat only) hoping she'd catch those blasted mice.

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  • The mice liked to come out of their holes and taunt me with machine guns that were loaded with the softest brie I've ever tasted. I'm still amazed at

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  • all that cheese oozing out of those holes.

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