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"Scared the Hell Out of Me. It Was a Great

  • "Scared the Hell Out of Me. It Was a Great Wake-Up Call (Although I Wasn't Really Asleep)" — Russell H., from Wichita, Kansas.

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  • "Action Hits Likes a Sledgehammer to the Forebrain, (Until it Stops)" — Martin T. from Omaha, Nebraska. The reviews or her one woman show, "This is Me, Deal with It" were

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  • uninspiring. I think I would rather safety pin my scrotum to my underwear than listen to some divorcee, Rosie O'Donnell look-like demand that I "Deal with" her bitterness at

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  • Lindsey Lohan and the human male populous. That's when I left. My mother-in-law was still blathering on and didn't even notice. I shouldn't have left her in Mexico

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  • but she was bartering for jaguar penis in a chinatown market in Mexicali & it seemed the perfect opportunity to rid myself of the shamanic old battle ax. I told my wife her mother

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  • had a headache and had to take a taxi back to the hotel, when really what I did was hustle my mother-in-law in some back alley in Mexicali, stuffed her in a burlap sack, & sold her

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  • on the black market for a small profit. It wasn't about her (although I relished thinking about her as a low-rent geisha), I needed to get the hell out of Mexico and this was how

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  • . I slaughtered goats, chewed their skins to soften them and stretched them over a frame of sticks to make a coracle. I launched myself from Acapulco Beach to go where the wind

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  • comes rolling down the plain. Yes, I would sail from Acapulco Beach to Enid.....OOOOOOOOOO-KLAHOMA in my coracle. With luck, I'd make it in time to participate in my favorite

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  • pastime of interspersing show tunes when you can hear the people singing the songs of angry men in the middle of your first cigarette to your last dying day.

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1 Comments

  1. Zetawilk Apr 15 2013 @ 14:58

    I like how it ends with cancer (cigarettes) and starts with cancer (stand-up "comedy").

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