K.C. and the Sunshine Band showed up at my

K.C. and the Sunshine Band showed up at my door today. What was I to do? I invited them in, puzzled, but pretending not to be. They seemed to be expecting me to

serve them biscuits. But I didn't have biscuits. No one eats biscuits in this country except very specific biscuit-loving music-makers, none of whom I expected to drop by at 3 am.

Then my eyes fell of Taffy's box of dogbiscuits. I served them together with tea and a spot of milk. Everyone seemed pleased until the leadsinger Bling-bling broke a front tooth

Manuel fished his crown out of the wine glass and capped it back on his tooth. A moment of silence and then Little Joe shouted, "Ole!." The mariachi band's trumpets fanfared.

The blare jarred every other cap in Manuel's mouth, every tooth, and the caps fell like hail into his black bean soup. Yekaterina began to cry. "Going back to Ukraine," she choked,

Yekaterina left on a trawler bound for the Crimea. Manuel followed her to the dockside, his mouth bandaged hastily. "Goodbye!" she yelled from the deck, "Forever!" A week later, on

Our voyage to nowhere, my eicophobia became so bad we had to call Dr. Sjbvgbcbjy. He recommended taking cell salts and we searched for them, finding some stashed in a suitcase. The

ship's Chief Police Inspector was none other than Inspector Loomis. When he was shown into the presence of the suitcase stash of unregistered and undeclared cell salts he asked for

Julia Child's recipe for Coq Au Vin. "It is plainly evident that perpetrator used the cell salts and battery acid to poison the garlic." Inspector Loomis cracked the case, again!