I trudged up the fjord, ice and snow pelting

I trudged up the fjord, ice and snow pelting my humped back as I bent my head against the howling wind. Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light.

Doctor Frankenstein was close behind among the glaciers. My corpse body could barely resist the elements. Up ahead, was a fat man in a red suit, smiling. "Sanctuary!" I yelled.

Santa said "Good boy" & when I'd shambled to his sled he popped a burlap sack over my head. Next thing I knew Dr. Frankenstein was reanimating me at the North Pole. He & Santa had

partnered up. Since it was becoming too expensive to maintain a business in Europe, Santa would provide Dr. Frankenstein his workshop and a few kids (and elves), and in return

Santa would get "protection", an army of reanimated Franken-elves. Larger. Stronger. With laser vision, of course. What would be the point without laser vision?

And then there's the robotic reindeer minions. Santa needed lots of those to complete his dastardly plan. It was all coming together. The Franken-elves, the robot reindeer. Now

the coup de grâce. Aunt Mildred's fruitcake. EvilSanta would send a fruitcake à la Mildred to each household and while they were incapacitated the Franken-elves and robot reindeer

EvilSanta sent a plague of Ferbies down Park Avenue in New York. Shoppers screamed in panic and ran for cover but the Ferbies kept coming. Ferbies flooded the subway stations

and a huge flame-it was Joan Rivers riding a dragon. The dragon melted the Furbies and Bad Santa in a burst of fire. Joan Rivers said "good boy." They had matching dew flaps.