Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling.

Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding. Ding. Ding-a-ling.

WHAM!!! Oh God that felt good. I'd set my alarm for 0530 on my first day of retirement, savoring the opportunity to sledgehammer it cartoon-style. Satisfyingly, a spring dangled

from its face & I rolled over to waken my wife. We would celebrate my first day of retirement exactly as I'd always dreamed. When she rolled over to face me, my eyes zoomed out of

my sockets and vroomed down the hall. "Urgh, how'll I fund my post-retirement escapades by posing for AARP magazine if I don't have eyes?" "I'm behind you, dear." My abscondy eyes

had regenerated in the wrong position. I was able to absorb power from my sockets which were connected to my robot mistress to generate enough energy to teleport

my brain. My Lobalcore was retreading. Ever since the Portjump everything in my innerstation had stopped functioning properly. For instance, a Ceptgraph kept saying kill the Io col

alorie count and eat fattier burgers. I tapped on the HUD of my Mech Donalds's suit. Ever since corporate sponsorship, ads have been blocking my smart ops.

I took consolation pop-ups were also blocking illegal ops.Mech Donald was depending on me. On plasma flame, I, suited, good Consumer, struck through the drive through, exiting with

my happy meal intact. With the super-fluid transport just in sight I knew the renegade illegal ops didn't have a chance. Consumer confidence would be restored.