'You can remove toxic conditions from the

'You can remove toxic conditions from the atmosphere through fire,' said the pundit. 'The process is called Homa and is based on the vedic science of bioenergy.' Here's how you do

it. He made a fire alter right in the middle of congress and proceeded to beat on a drum. A senator piped up, "When we said 'alternative' energy sources, we meant something else."

The senator drew back the curtain to reveal two odd-looking contraptions. "These are my prototypes, the Morissette Machine and the Sheryl Crow Generator. Any questions?"

"Well actually we're looking for something a bit more... oh I dont know. Current? You see this ain't the 90's no more" The senator's heart broke. He'd worked on the morrisette mach

ete dance for six months and all for naught. Producers underestimated the creativity of politicians, the senator thought to himself. "I know...a rap machete dance...yeah, that's it

...that's the ticket." In fact, there was the ticket. On the politician's windshield. The red zone. But it was not a parking ticket. It was a raffel ticket. The Movie Produce had

gone bad and the Senator had "won" a bag of rotten tomatoes. Not wanting to be rude, the Senator said "Boy, these'll come in handy!" Little did he know

was from the state's largest tomato growing family and the tomatoes he'd just handed the boy were infected with tomato rot a damaging fungal disease that would devastate the crop.

To save the tomato crop the boy and his family had to be neutralised, taken out, negatively terminated, McBumped, shown the golden finger, matriculated up the aevenista, taken up