It was a stoke of luck that the pirates left

It was a stoke of luck that the pirates left me on this planet in this area. Little did they know that this had been my "Fortress of Solitude" as I roamed the Universe in search

of the flying fish. Everyone "knew" they were a legend, but I had done my research. I was able to draw upon

my memories of that weird muppet that had the crown and threw flying fish which boomeranged and caused mayhem

where apparently planted by Jim Henson after he'd retired from the Muppet Show and become a part time hypnotist. Worse still, he'd planted a hypnotic induction so that when I saw

Any time I passed a banana, cucumber, or anything resembling a phallus, my left arm began to punch the air. I decided I should probably get some psychoanalysis for that so I

paid a bald guy boatloads of money to ask me a bunch of questions. Turns out that I was quite the crapper when I was a child and my parents were pretty invasive in their attempts

to find out about my defecating habits. I don't really like my parents. Why did they want to know? Why hire this bald PI to find out? He kept asking me obnoxious things, such as

how long did I plan to live with my parents, did I own any weapons, was I taking my meds regularly, and did I still serve Beelzebub. I answered the P.I. with (1) yes (2) um...(3)

no, and (4) I will serve satan until the end of time. The P.I looked at me, his eyebrows arched. He knew I'd make a great cop. He gave me a gun, and on that day, I became a man.