It all began when my father first saw the

It all began when my father first saw the Djinn. Before I could warn him, he said "Jesus H. Christ on a bicycle." And there he was. How was I going to explain this to

mother? But before I could formulate a plan, Jesus dismounted and strode toward us. "'Sup?" he asked. Father was even more confused, seeing firsthand both a Genie and now Jesus.

father was more confused because Jesus was using early 21st century slang. Where were the trumpets? How did Jesus get through the border between Mexico and Arizona?

long time. He really was coming again, not as savior of the world, but as Jason Forsyth of Bennetville, a mild-mannered fish farmer. That didn't have the zing that Peter wanted

so he gave him a buxom blonde wife with a penchant for overspending, and a zany neighbor that always stopped by with some hair-brained scheme to get rich. One day, Jason's fish

evolved into a reptilian humanoid. I was mowing the lawn when I saw the creature crawl out of Jason's pool. I thought that maybe if I could catch the thing, I really could get rich

. I hid behind a shrubbery and attempted to use a tree frog call. With a soft squelch, the lizard man approached my backyard. I leaped out and grabbed its slippery ankle. Pay-dirt!

Literally! I freaked the lizard man out so bad he crapped his loin cloth and ran off hissing into the underbrush. I gingerly brushed off his cucumber sized turd and

wore the loincloth on my head as a trophy. Banging my chest and standing on the park bench, I roared so loud I disrupted the nearby birthday party. I threw the cake on the ground.