"Oops, I spilled some peanut butter and BBQ

"Oops, I spilled some peanut butter and BBQ sauce on my ankle," said the mailman. "No bother, though. This surely is not a contrived situation that will come back to "bite" me."

Paris Hilton's pocket dog jumped out of her arms and ran towards the mailman. The peanut butter and BBQ sauce on his ankle was too tempting and the dog nipped his leg. Allergic to

fire and the scent of freshly roasted hot dog filled the air. "Mmmmm," said Paris, salivating. "I'll eat mine with relish." Reporters from TMZ were hiding in the bushes, snapping

salacious pics of the Hilton heiress innocently enjoying her frankfurter. Paris finished up, then went to bed. The next day the local rag featured a 3 page spread with the headline

WUST DAY OF PARIS HILTON'S LIFE! with a pic of her astonished mustard smeared face. Det Manatee swore to nail the blackmailer--because this time it was personal. Sausage wrangling

might not make her famous but he would be damned if he let extortion go unpunished while he had a say in the matter. He was advised the next day that he didn't.

He drew an illustrated message about the mess,and gave it to a friend three years later. It was so controversial the thought police investigated and his life became hellish. Then

he met Mildred and fell in love and suddenly the world was a sunny place again. "I'd like to ask you to be Mrs. McGurk," he said to Mildred three minutes later. She was so

disturbed by his request that she moved to the Netherlands and had sex change surgery. McGurk searched for her, but without luck. Maxwell Crackenbush opened a pot shop in Denver.