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and then Wickfelt MacGregor smiled and closed his notebook. Ever since being born and raised at the shores of Loch Ness, he'd become THE expert on watery beasts.

He was also an expert on porridge, malt whiskey and being taciturn and morose. Wickfelt MacGregor's ginger locks whipped up as the breeze on Loch Ness rose and Nessie's great head

rose above the choppy surface. Wickfelt placed a huge bowl of porridge at the shoreline. "Morning, MacGregor. Morose as ever, I see," said Nessie. He nodded and sipped whiskey.

MacGregor had just listened to the news and heard about the porridge massacre. Was this the same porridge?

MacGregor scoured the tabloids for information, but it was so grueling. He couldn't understand the why of it. He was more of a pacifist, himself. Make peas porridge not war.

Peter Rabbit had run a smear campaign. "MacGregor, Menace to Bunnies Everywhere!" "Where's My Jacket? Ask MacGregor!" An angry thumping of many paws was heard at the door.

A thousand crazed bunnies lunged at MacGregor as he answered the door. They drowned him in a giant watering can and served him up with cabbage. as Mrs. MacGregor ran for her life.